101: FOOD ADULTERY MADE EASY
As they say, it happens when you least expect it. There you are innocently going about your day. True to yourself and your commitments, then wham your head is turned. As if, unexpectedly, Justin Trudeau had arrived on your doorstep declaring his undying love. Truly gorgeous, truly irresistible and you realise you are less Ms Reliable and more Ms Wanton.
It started innocently enough in Arrowtown where I was meeting my sister. In a nod to our shared New Zealand childhood there were some shopping rituals and Vogel’s bread was one of them. Vogel’s – beloved and familiar- is a New Zealand institution. Thousands of Kiwis have grown up on it, including us.
In our childhood, you could buy Vogel’s unsliced and we would run competitions on how thinly we could slice it. Our view was the thinner the bread, the better the taste. My favourite way to eat it (anyone not of Antipodean descent should perhaps look away now) was a dab of butter across its grain flecked surface, a lick of Vegemite and a sprinkle of that 80’s nouvelle cuisine favourite- green peppercorns. The nutty toasty notes of wholegrain, the chewy baked crust, the savoury umami notes from the vegemite and the crunchy acidic peppercorns with a hint of heat. For me it was heaven reimagined.
Then there was toasted Vogel’s. The searing heat from the toaster would transform the chewy texture to a hard crunch and the seeds would gain a roasted edge. Perfect with melting butter. Such an old familiar reliable friend. One bite could transport us to our childhood and comfort. Nothing could break us up. Or could it?
New Kiwi products would abound in store too. We were keen on Lewis Road Creamery Butter. A cultured butter did not belong to my childhood memories. I would have to wait until my first visit to France to enjoy the lactic back notes that were a perfect counterfoil to the unctuous notes of the creamy butter. It was ironic that a country, built in large part on the dairy industry, would take so long to embrace the wonders of cultured butter.
Everything as it should be, we departed Arrowtown headed to Auckland. I should have known the big city could mean trouble. With an hour or so to spare we headed to Farro Fresh, a gourmet food store and I happily cruised the aisles, oblivious to any real danger.
“Would you like to try a free sample?” As a rule, I am suspicious of sampling. Is it something new or just excess stock looking for an exit strategy?
“It is kibbled grain bread from Lewis Road Bakery” she smiled benignly.
Ok, perhaps I could give it a try? Loaves of bread were piled high, a deep golden crust speckled generously with grain. Unsliced loaf. Just like the loaf of my childhood. I bit into a piece. There was the familiar chewy baked crust and nuttiness but there was something new. Unfamiliar and intoxicating. It was a lactic, sourdough note, that added complexity to the mix Familiar but new. Comforting but exciting. Good but sexy. Like Vogel’s but better. Much better. Surely that could not be? Nothing is better than Vogel’s. I called my sister over for an urgent sanity check. Following suit, she stares at me. “It is better” she replied. It was overwhelming. Was that the earth shifting on its axis?
Lewis Road steep the grains overnight for natural fermentation which accounted for the extra depth of flavour and the grains are kibble cut for a moister texture. I furtively piled loaves into my shopping basket to take back to Australia. My sister followed suit with a stash destined for her home in the USA.
In Dunedin, in NZ’s south, we met again, some six months later. She informs me soberly that Lewis Road Kibbled Grain Bread is not stocked in the South Island and an Auckland stop is not on the itinerary this trip,;just Arrowtown. We are having dinner with family friends. Shirley pipes up from across the table. “I am going back to Auckland tomorrow, I could courier you some to Arrowtown” Could I ask someone to aid and abet me in my deception? Turns out I could. Thanks to her kindness more loaves of Lewis Road bread find themselves in Australia and the USA. The Vogel’s is left languishing.
And then this year and another trip to Arrowtown. My sister picks me up from the airport. She advises the Vogel’s is purchased. Reliable and available as ever. We certainly could not ask Shirley to courier Lewis Road again. That would be too much and I reluctantly concur. And then in the spirit of collusion she reveals she has contacted Lewis Road directly. They are baking a special batch and delivering to Arrowtown in a few days. What a great invention the internet is; to make cheating so easy.
It arrives safely, all packed up and ready to fly. I wonder can bread claim frequent flyer miles?
I arrive in Melbourne and customs review my declaration. What is the food. Oh, just some miso and bread I reply. He smiles” Vogel’s? “he asks (after all, I hardly the first Kiwi to clear Melbourne customs!).
Finally, I publicly admit my betrayal. No, I declare it’s a different one.
“Gosh” he replies “I didn’t know you Kiwis ate anything else.”
Neither did I.
Misson accomplished
Packed and ready to go
